Glass Half Full
Glass Half Full
Rachel Astarte
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In this weeks episode, Chris talks with Rachel Astarte. Rachel Astarte is a holistic psychotherapist, transformational coach, author, and educator specializing in self, solitude, and service. She works with people in midlife who have been called deep psychospiritual work and guides them toward polishing the gem of their true selves toward mentorship in our evolving world.
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Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, wherever you are in the world, and welcome to another episode of Glass Half Full, a podcast and a safe platform where we talk with a variety of teachers, entrepreneurs, spiritualists, uplifters, givers, shakers, and serenaders. Everyone has a lesson to learn and a lesson to share. Let's use our life experiences to enrich someone's heart, mind, spirit, and soul. Through sharing our experiences, we can be a learning inspiration for one another. I'm your host, Chris Levins. Let's welcome today's guest. Today's guest is Rachel Astarte. Rachel Astarte, holistic psychotherapist and self-specialist. Rachel Astarte is a holistic psychotherapist, a transformational coach, author, and educator specializing in self, solitude, and service. She works with people in midlife who have been called to deep psycho-spiritual work and guides them towards polishing the gem of their true selves, toward mentorship in our evolving world. Let's give a warm welcome to Rachel Astarte. Good morning, good morning, good morning.
SPEAKER_02Good morning, Chris.
ChrisThank you so much for being a guest here on Glass Half Full. We are happy to have you today.
SPEAKER_02I'm so honored to be here. Very excited.
ChrisThank you. Can you tell everyone where you are in the world and what time it is?
SPEAKER_02I can. I am about half an hour outside of New York City and in Rockland County. And it is 9.05 in the morning at the moment.
ChrisYes. And we thank you for being in this early the morning.
SPEAKER_02Oh, it's fine. I had to take my son to school, so I've been up since 6:30.
SPEAKER_03Oh, wow. Well, you do have this like 12 o'clock afternoon voice on. So but I wasn't sure. So definitely.
ChrisWell, we're gonna just jump right on in. I like to ask all my guests this first question. I believe that our lives are in spiritual design. Can you share your life layout or blueprint with everyone? This is how you grew up, where your family lifestyle up to today's time.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. So um I was born in Illinois and lived there for a grand total of about six weeks before my father and mother moved to Western New York. Um, my father was a professor of poetry, and my mother is an actress and a writer and a director. So my father got a job at a university in Western New York. So that's really where I grew up, uh, just outside of Rochester. And um and I have two siblings. I have an older sister and a younger sister. So I'm right in the middle. So that's probably all your listeners need to know is that I'm a middle child. Um I could probably just stop right there. Um, but uh yeah, so I grew up in in um in western New York. I love New York State, it's just a beautiful state and always have. Um and I lived basically all of my uh younger education took place um in upstate New York. And as soon as I graduated from university, I ran screaming down to Manhattan. I had grown up in a rural area, and so I wanted to be in a city, and I fell in love with New York City, just fell in love with it when I was 14, first time I visited. And so I knew eventually I wanted to live there. So I did, um, on and off for about 22 years. I took a couple of, yeah, I took some time off and went to uh got my first master's degree in Boston at Emerson College uh in in creative writing. And um, and then um I all this time I was pursuing a career, uh double career as an actor and as a writer, go figure, because that's what my parents did. Um and yeah, so I started writing at four and started acting at five. And um yeah, and it was just beautiful to grow up in the arts. And um, and you know, again, bopped around, but basically lived in New York City. I also took a stint for a year and lived in New Mexico, which was amazing, my second favorite state in the union. And um, but I never really stopped my creative work. I'm I'm I still do voiceovers today, I still write on a regular basis, but somewhere along the line, um I really wanted to do something that was more in the healing capacity for people. And so um just after my son was born, um, I went back to school and became a transformational life coach and a hypnotherapist and started a practice uh doing that. But what ended up happening was I realized that I was leaning dangerously close to doing psychotherapy, which was illegal. And you're not you're not supposed to do therapy without a license. So I decided to go back to school, get another master's in marriage and family therapy, and pursue uh that avenue of work and um got my license in New York State, and uh and the rest is history. So I started my private practice um around, I started practicing as an intern in 2016, and I've been I've been working ever since. Got my license um about three years ago. So I had one of those midlife career changes, which people talk about, and I'm so glad that I did. Um, so I've been able to integrate um all of the things that I love into my practice now.
SPEAKER_04I love that. And you're the boss.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm. Oh, I can't have it any other way. I don't do well with authority.
ChrisOh, okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Well, look, it's my own.
ChrisLook, we know what we're good at and what we're not. That's that's part of wisdom as we get older, right? Definitely. Exactly. Yeah. I love it. Wow. Well, you have had such an interesting life and lots of education behind it as well. And implying that in. What do you think is the most um cherishable thing that about your work that you're doing?
SPEAKER_02Oh, it's absolutely working with people. I love to work with people one-on-one, but I love to work in groups as well. But it's it's it's watching people realize how powerful they are and how special and wonderful they are when and we've all been there. So it's not just a certain group of people, but we've all been through feelings that were not good enough or feelings that um were out of alignment in some way. And I love when I can help facilitate in people the self-awareness that they are so vital. Um, and that can happen on a one-on-one basis, those aha moments you hear about in therapy. Um, when it's like, oh, that's why I've been a jerk, you know, or that's why I've been, you know, oh, I get it. And it's really not my fault, but it is my power to change it. And I can. It's so beautiful to see it's like the lights go on.
SPEAKER_04When the light comes on, yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's why I do what I do.
ChrisWow, that's powerful. That's powerful. I want to talk a little bit about um what's your take on negative self-talk?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's a great question because you know, I I say all. I'm assuming we all have it at some point, um, even if it's just some kind of self-doubt talk or that kind of thing. The way that I see negative self-talk is um I maybe I should back it up. Every kind of problem that we have, I see it as a blessing. I see that everything that, you know, whatever negativity that's coming through us is really just a self-regulating system. So to give you an analogy would be like you're driving along the highway and your Czech oil light comes on the dashboard. Now that's a scary light, you know. You know, and we're like, oh no, what's happening with my car, right? Well, we we don't pull over and abandon the car because it's broken. We go to the shop and we get our oil changed and we do what's necessary to get the car running the way it's meant to run. It's the same thing with negative self-talk or or any problems we encounter. That's the light on the dashboard. And you know, letting us know something's out of alignment. And so we need to adjust. So, negative self-talk specifically, another analogy that I think works really well is it's like a watchdog. We have this dog that we love, it's our family. But when a friend comes and knocks on the door, that dog is going to get up and bark. It'd sound really scary and mean. But what it's doing is it's protecting us, right? So, so what do we do when our dog barks and there's a friend at the door? We say, Hey, it's okay. That's Joe, that's my friend. Good dog. Here's a chew toy, go over there. And then that's what they do. When we have negative self-talk, ultimately what it's trying to do is protect us from harm. I'll give you an example. So you're starting out at a new job that is like your dream job, or you're, let's just say, not even starting out, you're applying for a job that's your dream job. Negative self-talk says, oh, you're gonna screw up this interview. You don't even know how to talk right, you know, you don't know what you're doing. People, you people are gonna look at your resume and say you're not as good, you're too old, you're not educated enough, right? That's all negative self-talk. Why do we have that? To to prevent us from embarrassing ourselves, to prevent us from from having our hearts broken, you know. Um, oh, she's never gonna go out with you. You're too X, Y, or Z. That's a protection mechanism. So, what we do with self-talk, instead of listening to it, imagine if we never answered the door because the dog was barking, right?
SPEAKER_01That's still right, right?
SPEAKER_02So, so what we say is, okay, we ask this very simple question. How is this thought serving me? Is this thought serving my highest good? You're no good at that. Okay, well, is that serving me? No. What can I do with that concern that that negative self-talk has? I can say, well, is that true? Is that true that I don't have the skill set necessary? Well, what will it? I guess I could learn that skill set. So now you've taken negative self-talk into and turned it into positive self-talk. Or you're not, you know, your resume is crap. Okay, then maybe I can clean it up. Or maybe it isn't crap at all. It's good enough. And if it isn't, I'll learn from that. Right? So you're you're you're taking the fear and you're sitting in it, you're not pushing it away. A lot of people say, right, a lot of people say, oh, negative self-talk, just push it away. No, because what happens? What happens when you have a toddler that wants your your attention? Mommy, daddy, mommy, dad, whatever, and you're like, you're busy, you're busy. They will yell louder until they throw themselves on the floor and have a fit, until you pay attention. The same thing happens with our negative self-talk, negative self-uh uh negative emotions, right? They will make noise until we listen. So turn toward them. Okay, negative self-talk. What are you trying to teach me?
ChrisThat's not good. I love that. Hey, negative self-talk. Like, yeah, right? Go ahead on and be like, come on now, what you I love it. You're right. Turn to it, turn to it.
SPEAKER_02You are the master. Remember that. You are the master, your highest self is the master. The negative self-talk comes from your wounding, and it is very important to listen to and learn from, but not to get behind or or believe in. Yes, right? Yeah.
ChrisI love it. You broke that one down, didn't you? Yes, for sure. For sure. Can you tell us what has been one of the biggest struggles or defining moments in your life?
SPEAKER_02Um, well, there have been a couple. Uh I'll give it to you chronologically. Um I mean, uh, well, maybe three. So my parents divorced when I was 13. Um, that was that's an easy one because a lot of us go through it. For me, that was actually a really positive thing. Okay. Um, I was terribly, I was very terribly sad to see my parents were very much in love. My parents just were very creative and couldn't live together. Interesting story. Um, and by the time my father passed away in 2001, by that time my parents were besties again. So it was fine. But I was on the cusp of puberty and really didn't want my parents on my back, you know. So, in a way, their divorce allowed me, we moved out of a rural area and into the college town in which my father taught. So for me, it was a great expanse and a great space for me to come into whoever I was going to be. So that was that was such a pivotal moment. The death of my father in 2001 was um a big struggle, big struggle. I was extremely close with my father. Um and it was yeah, it really made me face um some of the hard, hard lessons about how close I was with my father and how it actually prevented me from coming into my true self.
SPEAKER_01Oh wow.
SPEAKER_02Um, I needed his approval. Um, he was an amazing man, a visionary poet and an amazing teacher. And um, of course, he had his faults as well. Uh, we all do, but I was so enmeshed with him that I really didn't venture out into finding out who I was as a person until after he passed. Um, and so I had to go through grief, of course, and I still mourn his loss, whatever it's this year's, I think 22 years later. Um, but I also had much like the divorce, I had a chance to step into myself again. Um, and then the third big defining moment was the birth of my son. Um, and I came to, well, I guess it's not so late anymore. I used to say I was a I I came to motherhood late. I was 40 when I had him, but that's like younger.
ChrisYeah, I'm about to say, yeah, no, you're you're good.
SPEAKER_02You know, people are just popping babies out in their 70s now, you know. But um, but yeah, so so that was huge because that was a massive shift in who I became. So I spent a chunk of my time defining who Rachel is as a person. And then I had to sort of adjust that to be um the caregiver uh to this to this being. Um, you know, unlike a lot of the you know, I guess the the general trope of being a parent, you know, that you put all your hopes and dreams on your child, um, I never felt that way. I never felt that my son was mine, if that makes sense. I feel like he belongs to the universe, and he was, I was tasked with bringing him into this human experience. And it's a huge task. But uh, but he is his own being entirely, and he amazes me every single day.
SPEAKER_04So how old is he?
SPEAKER_02He's uh net like in 10 days from yeah, in 10 days from today, he turns 13.
ChrisOh wow, you're about to have a teenager. You're about to have a teenager, all right, mom. That's exciting. Hey, look, the job is almost done. Look, you had the at least the bread, you know, you can you can lean back a little bit, you know, when they go away to school.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that's true.
ChrisBut it's true, you're a parent until the end. This is it. My mom says that, so I believe it. As a person who has no children, but who do work with children and I have nieces. It's enough. It's enough. Sure. Oh, I love that. I love that. Thank you for your defining moments as well. I want to change a little bit and talk about solitude. Um, why do we need regular periods of solitude?
SPEAKER_02One of the reasons the main reason, right, is is to turn off the chatter of the world. Um we need to connect to our higher self. So when I say higher self, I use that in uh it's the same term to me as the universe, right? I don't think we are separate from the universe. I think that we are the universe. And when we say, oh, the universe gave me, your higher self gave it to you. That's what we are. We are not separate. And when there's so much chatter in the world and so much stimulation, we need solitude to go into ourselves to connect to source, to connect to creation, which is where we all not just human beings, all things come from. Um, solitude is where we can really ask our higher selves, you know, what who we are and what we're here to do. Um, without outside influence of society or the culture in which we live, without the pressures of family, friends, um, community to adhere to certain roles, we can take time and solitude to really define for ourselves the path that we are meant to be on. Um, and that's a whole other subject, but but you know, I am a self-specialist, and and for me, the development of self is essential for the greater good. So it we don't stop with self-development. That's that's like writing a bunch of beautiful poems and sticking them in a drawer, right? We're meant to communicate, we're meant to radiate our our amazing lives into the world, but we can't do it without solitude to ask the purest form of ourself, which is the part that's connected to source and creation. What are we here to do? What am I here to do? What am I here to be? What are my beliefs about the world culturally, um and spiritually, and you know, why am I here? We can't do this with with outside influence. Um, we need to be able to connect to to the original uh voice, which is the one we come from.
ChrisIt's true, it's hard to be able to focus with the outside noise that comes in social media, you know, different areas of just general life. So I agree that there has to be a time that we be able to rejuvenate and renew our strength and our power and our understanding. So there has to be some time where we are working together in that solitude. And I I think that was a great way that you put it. Um, and it was also meant in, you know. And solitude is the idea of you being by yourself, even though the idea is to connect with community. And so with you being in the solitude, you're able to give to the community. Is that correct?
SPEAKER_02Well, once you have, once you have built what I call a strong foundation of self. Yes. When when we are when we don't have a strong foundation of self, we're easily whipped around like a really thin stalk of bamboo. You know what I mean? We're just we don't have the strength to um to stand on our own convictions or or what we are spiritually, psycho-spiritually put here to do. So we're easily influenced by the masses, we're easily influenced by um, or or if not influenced, confused by all of the stimuli that's coming toward us. Right. So when we have a strong foundation of self, um, we have to build that relationship first so that when we go out and and enter in our various communities locally um and globally, we are contributing the most whole and and rich form of ourselves. That's what helps collective consciousness. It does not help if we are um wounded, easily offended, um, if we are shaky in our convictions, then we go into community and we that's the energy that we are spreading into the community, right? So there's suspicion of others, there's um the ability, you know, or or there's an us and them attitude. That's really dangerous. And I see a lot of that in the world now, you know.
ChrisHow do you know if you have a strong will of self?
SPEAKER_02So so a strong foundation of self is sorry, a strong foundation of self.
ChrisThank you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, it's no problem. Um, it is basically just what it sounds like a foundation. You have ground underneath you, you know who you are. And even if, and I'm not saying that you're enlightened or you're completely self-actualized, but you have a general idea of what you believe in and who you are. And what that allows you to do is to allow for others to be different than you without being offended or try to fix who they are or think your ideas are better than theirs.
SPEAKER_04Or judging them, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. It's a non-judgmental stance. Even when someone is a complete jerk to you, even when someone is intentionally hurtful, you're able to say, that person is wounded and deserves my compassion. Yes, not let me get back at that mofo and let me, you know, I have to stand up for my thing, my my that's the us and them attitude.
SPEAKER_04Yes, the ego.
SPEAKER_02Exactly. That's it's and and let's talk about the ego for a second.
SPEAKER_04Let's dig into it.
SPEAKER_00Ego gets a bad, uh a bad rap route because ego is important.
SPEAKER_02There are two kinds of ego there's the developed ego and the underdeveloped ego. What you're referring to is the underdeveloped ego. The underdeveloped ego wants to run the show, wants to say, I'm better, all my things are mine, all my beliefs are important, and I have, you know, anyone who disagrees with me is my enemy, et cetera, et cetera. The developed ego is really a container for our spirit. It allows for room for everybody to have different opinions, um, understanding that we are all spirits having a human experience. We're all here to learn whatever lessons we're here to learn. Um and the ego can contain the spirit from flying off and being one of those weird new age woo-woo people, you know, that's not all around it. Because that's the flip side, right? The flip side is being so so light that uh you're not taking into account the balance uh that we have both dark and light within us. The ego is a beautiful, the developed ego is a beautiful container for that, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_04Wow, this is the first time for me to hear this. Yes, it did make sense.
ChrisYou explained it very well. Wow. Okay, look, hey, I'm learning something new. I didn't waste the day. It's it's almost 12 o'clock here, so I didn't at midnight. I still in. Good, good, good. Wow, that was awesome. That was awesome. So I want to change a little bit and talk about um mentorship and boundaries. So I want to know what is the biggest misunderstanding about boundaries?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, boundaries are it's just such an important topic. Um and I I think that it's at some point we we all face um having to enforce boundaries with people, could be parents or friends or colleagues or whatever. Um the biggest misunderstanding about boundaries is that they are there to protect us and sort of push away the person uh for whom we are creating the boundary. So it's like you can imagine you're drawing a line in the sand, right? You can't cross this line. You stay over there, I'm over here. And I'm doing I'm doing that for my benefit. I'm doing that to make sure that you don't step on my, yeah, that's ego stuff, right? So developed ego stuff. The the truth about boundaries that I haven't heard anyone else talk about, but for my patients, it has made a tremendous difference in looking at boundaries in this way. Boundaries are in place for the benefit of both people. So if I draw a boundary, hey, mom, you can't text me after 10 o'clock, right? Because that's my downtime. Unless it's an emergency, I don't want to hear this isn't my mother. I'm just this isn't it?
SPEAKER_03I was like, hey, look, this is your business. I was not gonna say anything about it.
SPEAKER_02No, no, but this is this is a hypothetical mom. Uh mom, don't text me after 10 p.m. My mother knows this, by the way, but don't text me after after 10 p.m. because that's when I go to bed, right? Because some mothers are like, oh, you know, so and so, I don't know, something's going on in the village. Um, if you say, if you draw that boundary, it looks like you're shutting your mother out so that you can have peace after 10 p.m. In reality, you are actually helping your mother in this in this scenario or the other person for whom you've drawn the boundary. How is that possible? Because you are protecting them from your resentment, from your passive aggression, from your anger at them for no reason that you can't quite put your finger on. Energetically, they are going to pick up on the fact that something is wrong in your relationship and they can't figure out what it is. Because you haven't drawn a boundary, you have allowed them to enter your space, your energetic space, however that looks, the colleague that comes in first thing in the morning talking when you're trying to have your coffee, or you know, you know, whatever it is. By not drawing that boundary, you are actually um weakening um a relationship that is potentially quite strong and good. So when we draw our boundaries, they are drawn, and I stress this, they are drawn with love. They're not walls, they're boundaries. If you give me this space, I then have the freedom to have a better relationship with you. Do you see the difference?
SPEAKER_04Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I think it's really important for us to see that the boundaries, yes, the boundaries protect us, but they also protect the other person from our anger. And that's that's really important. And that allows then for a much health relationship.
ChrisYou're right.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
ChrisOh, I never thought about it like that. That's some food for thought for sure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
ChrisOkay. Yeah, that's a new twist on on a on an old on an old understanding, but this makes sense. This makes because it's not a wall, like you say, that it's it's a boundary. Sometimes I guess we get them mixed up, huh? With with among other things. But yeah, I guess we could get those two mixed up as well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I I think well, just just to add one, yeah, one other thing about that, because I'm here, I'm hearing your listeners go, yeah, but so um the the some people don't want to draw the boundaries because they don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. And I think I think that is uh is important to keep in mind. Um, I I practice in with my clients, you know, radical honesty. And by radical honesty, I mean to even say those words. I almost don't want to tell you not to text me after 10 p.m., mom, because I don't want to hurt your feelings. That's radical honesty. But here's why I'm doing it, right? Do you see how much more loving that is than don't text me after 10? You know? That's what I'm saying. So be real when you that's the loving boundary part. Okay, I'm done with that subject.
ChrisNo, no, no. That was great. That was great. I love it. Radical honesty. That's nice. Yes. Just the real, giving the real. The real. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Well, it makes it easy when you give the real. People know where you stand and they know how you are, and then we can adapt easily. You know, there's no surprises. You know, I'd rather know what I'm dealing with than to have a surprise.
SPEAKER_02So we can it also brings out brings out our humanity, right? That's the whole point of everything you and I have been talking about since we started this half an hour ago.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02You know, it's it's um it's about connection and it's about understanding that every living being and non-living being on this planet in this cosmos are really our siblings, you know? They're they're an extension of ourselves. So yeah.
ChrisI like that. Yeah, they are. They definitely are. Can I ask you, what is mentorship and what makes mentorship important in midlife?
SPEAKER_02Okay, so mentorship, um, again, what we just redefined boundaries. I um I often feel we need to redefine what mentorship is. So let me flip this, Chris, and ask you when you hear the word mentor, what do you how how would you define it?
ChrisUm I would think that someone who is taking someone under their wing, giving them advice, um, helping them find their path and their way from their experiences and the things that they have gone through. They're just kind of sharing that information and kind of guiding someone who's under them.
SPEAKER_02Right. And so in what scenario do you envision this?
ChrisUh probably for um for business or for um maybe like um a psychologist or therapy, that type of thing, or coaching. Um that kind of thing.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Right. And and then and what you just said is a beautiful definition, by the way.
SPEAKER_03Oh wow. Um I was like, am I about to get exploded? Like, nope, that's not right.
SPEAKER_02No, no, that's a beautiful definition. That is, you know, taking under the wing, absolutely, um, providing support, advice. But what you said is so true. We often first think of this happening in business. Now, I've done a lot of research about mentorship as I started to create my uh online community for women in midlife as mentors. Um, and um almost all of the mentorship programs take place in the workplace. And I thought, well, wait a minute, you know, what about life? And so what about us sharing our life experience? So mentorship, um, so to answer the first part, which you did beautifully, yes, it's taking someone under your wing or a group of people, um, and being able to, and there are many ways that one can mentor, but um but yes, being able to offer support, advice when asked for, that's important to stress when asked for, um, and to be a living presence of um of wisdom in one form or another, where wherever that wherever you find yourself mentoring. What makes mentorship important in midlife? Um by the time, and I'm I'm speaking now. This is true of all people in midlife, but I my niche is women in midlife, although I work with people of all ages and all genders, the entire gender spectrum.
ChrisSo how old is midlife?
SPEAKER_02Midlife is generally considered 40 to 65.
ChrisOkay, okay.
SPEAKER_02So um, or 40 to 60, depends on where you go, 45 to 65, somewhere in that range. Um, so by this time, um we have, and I'm again, I'm speaking specifically to uh about women, we have amassed decades of life experience, and our culture really doesn't want to know about women in midlife, and there are a number of reasons for that. Uh there are historical, ancestral, spiritual reasons why a woman in midlife is suspect.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god. Yeah, wow, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we're going through menopause.
SPEAKER_04Oh crazy. Okay.
SPEAKER_02You know, we are um we are the living representation of death.
SPEAKER_04Wow.
SPEAKER_02And that's that's scary.
SPEAKER_04Really?
SPEAKER_02Our fertility absolutely. We um we are we are losing our fertility, which means what purpose do and this is ancestral, right? The what purpose do we have if we are no longer procreative? In this capitalist culture, there isn't a lot of room for the wisdom of women in midlife. We're not interested. If you can rock a bikini at 57, great. That's what they want to see. Wow, anti anti-aging, look how young she looks, so youthful. Look at so and so. She still looks like she's 35, whatever it is. If you're 80 and you look 60, great. You know, why? Why that, right? So, what it does is it culturally, it there's like we enter a vacuum. Women at 40. Oh, this was just on CNN with our friend Don Lemon, who said, you know, women are past their prime. I know he's walked that back, rightly so. But um, but that hurt. That hurt a lot of women. Some even one of my clients came to me depressed after hearing this. And I had a had to do a lot of work to to to unpack that. Even something so small as that, uh, one off-handed comment, it really reflects the pain that women in midlife feel. So it's like we we hit 40 and then we slip into this invisible vacuum, and then we get spat out at the other end as an elder.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_02Um, and where is all of this wisdom that we're supposed to be, that we not supposed to be, that we could be sharing with younger generations? Yes, younger women who are about to enter a world where they are also dismissed. How do we step up and say, no, sister, that's not going to be the case. Take your life experience and share it with people because what you have experienced is essential for the growth for the for the psycho-spiritual growth of all people, not just women. So, um, and I I even had uh some questions as I as I just launched this new area of my business about working with awakened women in midlife toward mentorship. Well, I don't have anything to offer the world. I didn't really do much with my life. And then with this particular person, we unpacked what they have done. And it turned out to be a lot, you know, whether it's having children and raising them, that's huge. Those are beings on the planet that are going out and affecting collective consciousness. That's a huge job.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_02I'll ask your mother. I bet she'll say the same thing, you know.
ChrisYes, she would. Yeah. And if you and if you do a good job, then you really, you know, if you really love them, that's you're really doing it. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's one thing. And imagine a lot of women today also have careers. And what have they done in their careers? Well, I don't even like my job, but guess what? On a day-to-day basis, did you make someone's life easier? You know, did you say something to someone who didn't feel good that day and made them feel better? You are making a difference when you do that. That's also what it means to have a foundation of self, why it's so important to do that. So you're not getting caught up in other people's pain. You're able to have compassion and empathy. And women at our age, when we're going through menopause and and um we're we're shifting and our hormones are out of whack and everything. This is also a time for us to understand that the changes that we are going through are preparing us to step into even a more powerful level of wisdom, which is what we might call the crone years, the the true wisdom and elder years, uh, when we are no longer bleeding out our power, but retaining it. And that's what what we're we're going through right now. We're metamorphosing into these beautiful wisdom keepers. And so that's why it's important uh in midlife to step into mentorship, even if that means you're just doing it on a micro level day to day with people that you interact with.
ChrisWow. And connect that, keep that communication between the the current generation and the young generation to try to bridge in to share this information.
SPEAKER_02So the Yeah, do not be afraid of aging. I would love a day that young women actually look forward to or at least are not freaked out by getting older because they don't even know, they don't even know the wisdom that's coming to them. Almost every woman in midlife that I talk to tells me how much happier they are than when they were in their 20s, and I'm certainly one of them. We just don't even see um, you know, we don't even see the the blessings that are are coming because we're so busy trying to be ambitious and all those things, yeah.
ChrisYou're so right. You're so right. Well, you know, some might ask, you know, they might say, well, Rachel, how can I be a mentor if my life is not where it can be? You know, if my life is not in a grand place, how can I still mentor? What do you say for that?
SPEAKER_02Um it's the same advice that I received as as a an up-and-coming therapist, um, but I've I've adjusted it a little bit for this kind of question. And I I put it very simply: your struggles are your gifts. So if you are not where you want to be, um, you know, my marriage isn't going well, I'm in a dead end job, my kids hate me, those are your gifts. Right? Those are your gifts because guess what? You are doing it, you're living, you're human, and so how so how you get through your day um is part of what you're helping the younger generation understand is that guess what, boys and girls, it's gonna be hard sometimes. It's going to be sucky sometimes, and guess what? Here's how I manage to get through it. And guess what, too? I'm still working on myself. There's no plateau we're all gonna reach. Where we're all just waiting for everybody to show up and go like, yay, we're done.
SPEAKER_00You know, we're done.
SPEAKER_02We're fully actualized and enlightened, and we can stop learning now, you know. No, there is no such thing. We are all a work in progress. So your struggles are the gifts that you give to your mentees to say, yeah, this is going on. You know, I was doing couples counseling um in the middle of a of a divorce that I was going through. Wow, you know, and I kept I was sitting there across you know across the couch going, like, how can I possibly give advice about couples when my marriage is falling apart? And then I thought, but this is how, because now I know what happened. I know the struggles, and I know how hard it is to be at odds with your partner, right? So so your humanness is what makes you a good mentor.
ChrisOh, nice. I love that great answer. And the ways that we can mentor are by there are many ways.
SPEAKER_02Um, you can mentor. Uh and by the way, when I say mentor, I don't mean like you wear you put the badge on and just storm into a room like I'm a mentor. Listen to me, everyone. Exactly. You don't want to be a joke about it. Umybody, listen to me. No, that's not mentoring. Mentoring is to be present, to be awake, aware, and grounded in your foundation of self. And ways you can mentor is be alert to people. And again, you're not like a superhero waiting for the call because there's a there's a crime happening. You're you're just paying attention to when you are called upon to offer your wisdom. That can be a family member, extended family member, nieces, nephews, cousins, whatever. Um could be friends or friends of friends, uh, your neighbors. Um, obviously, the workplace, that's a great place to mentor if you have someone working under you. You know, in the workplace, it's more like the old school apprenticeship, right? So, um, and that's where the mentorship really originated. We don't really have apprentices so much um in mainstream uh the workplaces, mainstream workplaces today, but we can mentor certainly in business. You can mentor in your local community. Um, you know, whether you're volunteering or you are, you know, even just um if you have like a community garden situation and you know how to grow plants, you can mentor that way. Um there's online, everybody's online now. You can you can mentor online, you know, if if someone has in a in a group that you're in, has a genuine question and is put, you know, people put questions to groups all the time. You know, so and so just happened. What do I do? Be gentle, be a mentor. If you are asked for your advice and you feel comfortable giving it, give it. But mostly, and you know, you don't you don't have to be Tony Robbins, you don't have to write a book of course, right? Um you can live your life as an example, like being your true self and everything you do is mentoring on a daily basis because your calmness, your gentleness in a situation, even just talking to um, you know, the grocery store clerk, um, is going to make a difference. Somebody gets frustrated because something didn't scan right or whatever, and you stay calm, you are mentoring, you're living by example, you're modeling calm, grounded behavior. That's a mentor. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Nice. Yeah, that's great.
ChrisModeling it, yeah, nice. Yeah, that was good. You can run on, man. You can run on. Um, I want to ask you, what has been your greatest spiritual awakening? And if it's something that you can tell us about and what happened.
SPEAKER_02Um, I I I this question is such an interesting one. I'm not sure that there was there was a moment that I awakened. I think that that it came about slowly from the time I was a child. I'm a I'm a shamanic practitioner. That's and I and I practice kundalini.
ChrisThese are my what is the first what was the first practice?
SPEAKER_02Um shamanic practitioner. So shamanism is uh not a religion, it's a it's a practice of working with uh spirit energy all that's all around us. It's uh probably it's the original uh spiritual practice, been around for over 40,000 years, and many uh religions today actually come from uh shamanic practices. But the idea of working with uh spirit energy of all, because we're all vibrating energy, right? So when I say spirit, I'm talking about because I'm I'm equal left-right brain. So I like science and spirit to be balanced. So when I talk about spirit energy, I'm talking about energy in a scientific sense as well. Um, we're working with the energy of all around us for the benefit of self, humanity, the planet, cosmos, um, the plants, rocks, animals, that kind of thing. So um so I practice shamanism and kundalini yoga. So ever since I was a child, I've felt deeply connected to all around me. When I when we talk about spiritual awakening, I think that it un unfolded very slowly for me. Um, because I feel that I was sort of born awakened, and then the door shut when I had to deal with society. Um, and then I've slowly had to pry that door back open. Um but I've had um I've had spiritual uh moments, moments where I felt deeply connected uh to something other sporadically throughout my life. And I can share one with you, which was um giving birth to my son. Um I had a home birth and yeah, um gave birth to him on my bedroom floor. What?
ChrisWas this on purpose or by accident?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. I it was very, very planned.
ChrisOh, okay, okay, okay. I was like, no bathtub, there's no pool, like okay.
SPEAKER_02Oh, we had the pool. I just didn't want to get in it. I was like, I'm not leaving my bed.
unknownYou know, wow.
SPEAKER_02We had a pool, we had a whole pool, and and uh I just didn't want to get in it. So, you know, you just listen to your body in that moment. But what was interesting was um I was 40 years old when I had him, and um, I was doing sort of uh there's a thing called hypnobirthing where you can help uh so you don't need to take medication for the pain that you would use hypnosis to help you. Yeah, well, did it work? I still have a lot, I had a lot of pain, but what the hypnosis did was it allowed my body to relax and it made the um the birthing process so much faster. So for a first-time uh first-time mom at 40, my entire labor was only 17 and a half hours, which really isn't that long. So uh, but what the the spiritual moment that happened was um around two in the morning, I was in active labor. Um, and for some reason, whenever I closed my eyes, I saw the numbers five, three, and seven, um, repeating over and over again, five, three, seven, five, three, seven. And I was like, okay, that's weird. Um, but I'm busy, I have to give birth to this child. And so I was on a birthing stool at one point, which is one of the finest inventions ever, uh, which is basically like a regular stool, but it has the bottom cut out of it. So your legs are propped up, but it has room for the baby to drop.
SPEAKER_01Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_02Um yeah, it's beautiful. It's been around for centuries. Brilliant, brilliant.
ChrisI learned something else new. I've never heard of that.
SPEAKER_02I know, right?
ChrisI didn't, and and I'm sure most men have it neither.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so great. Happy to educate. Um, but yeah, the birthing stool was brilliant. But when I actually gave birth to my son, uh we got rid of that. I was lying on the floor on my side. When my son was born, came out of my body, I rolled my head uh over to look at the clock, and it was 5:37 in the morning. Oh, wow. And so I knew something had happened during this, you know, non-ordinary reality consciousness that I had been in during childbirth, and that that some communication had crossed. For me, that was a moment of understanding that there is much more going on than we can just see and and feel in this dimension.
ChrisYes, I love that. That's good. That's a good one.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it was a good one.
ChrisAnd the baby is here, right? So all of it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, he's here. He's awesome.
ChrisNow, do you recommend to give the home birth after you've done this? Would you recommend people to do it or would or go to the hospital?
SPEAKER_02Um, it depends on the person.
ChrisOkay.
SPEAKER_02Um, you know, I I I firmly believe that people need to do what they are called to do. There is no right and there is no wrong. Um, what I say that you should do all your research and listen to your deepest soul. Um, for me, going to a hospital felt all kinds of wrong. Um and I I do not regret it in the least. I never had a moment during that time that I felt like I made the wrong choice. Um and and I had minor complications during the during the birth, but very minor. And even still, I was like, we will get through this. So you have to do what's right for you, you know, because we can't be judging people based on their choices like that.
ChrisI know that's right. I'm like, whatever you prefer is fine for me. Like, I'm not involved for sure.
SPEAKER_02What matters is what matters is that you and your child are healthy and happy.
ChrisYes, exactly. That is the main kit and caboodle. Thank you. Thank you for that. I wanted to ask you, um, can you share with us about um how can we understand more about the power we have within us?
unknownYeah.
ChrisDo you have any tips or any practice ideas, something that you can leave us with to for the listeners to understand that a little more?
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm. Yeah, so so this kind of harks back to what we were talking about in terms of solitude. Um, the power we have within us can only be accessed by us, which means you need to spend some time in solitude and not be afraid of being alone with your thoughts and being alone with your feelings. Remember, they are all part of you. You own them, they're yours. And so part of our power is understanding that we do have dark and light within us, but it's not there to kill us, it's there to make us stronger. So once we understand, and and that's part of our power, is even just recognizing that, yeah. But in terms of tips and practices, um, I always recommend a couple things to develop a solitude practice, and that can be five minutes or five hours if you have it, where you spend time alone with yourself doing something that gives you joy. It could be anything, but it can't involve other people. So that doesn't mean faffing around on Facebook. That means um whether it's knitting or reading or journaling or meditating or taking a hot bath or a walk in the park or whatever, where you are alone with your being and befriending it. Um, but but that you make a commitment to do this, like I said, either five minutes or a couple hours or whatever, a day, every single day. Um, and people say, I don't have time to do that. Well, you use the bathroom alone, don't you?
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02You know, so if it's if it's a if it's a 120-second meditation, you know, then you can do that when you close the bathroom door. True. Right? So everybody has time to do this. So um, okay, so that's one. And and another tip is um what I call the self-alignment meditation. Now I'm not gonna walk you through it because on on my podcast, which is self-talk with Rachel Astarte, it's episode 23. We'll walk you through the entire self-alignment meditation. But what this does is whenever we're feeling out of sorts or we're having an emotion that makes us feel off center, this meditation helps us to realign ourselves with that emotion. So we go deep into the emotion. If it's fear, jealousy, anger, uh, anxiety, depression, rage, what you know, whatever it is, or or we're madly in love and we can't concentrate on our work, that counts too. It's gotten us out of alignment. So that meditation really helps uh for us to uh uh harness our power, right? And ground us in in that foundation of self. Yeah.
ChrisWow, awesome. Awesome. Yes, on your self-talk podcast. Yes, it's awesome. There's a lot of great and goodies on there, a lot of great guests as well, definitely. I'd like to close with this final question. Is your glass half empty or half full?
SPEAKER_02I think you know the answer to that.
ChrisWell, just you can just give it to us anyway.
SPEAKER_02It is half full, absolutely half full. And and in fact, sometimes I think it's half full because the other glass is already filled to overflowing.
SPEAKER_03And this is the spill pop. This is the extra one that's been slid up underneath the red. Yes, I love that. That's great. That's so good, Rachel. That's so good. Oh, yes. Do you have any final thoughts for our listeners?
ChrisUm, I I think I mean you gave us a lot of goodies, but yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But I mean, as a final thought, um, don't be afraid of yourself. Don't be afraid of yourself. Don't do because that's what trips us all up. And remember, this is this is probably even more important. Understand the importance of your individual life and how it contributes to collective consciousness. Right? So, so when we live our best life, and I don't mean that you're making money and you're you're doing all the good things, I mean when you are comfortable in who you are, that energy radiates out, and that's what contributes to collective consciousness. It makes a difference, it ripples. So just be gentle with yourself and don't be afraid of who you are. And um, and I'm vibrating with you as a sibling.
ChrisOh, I love that. That's cute. That is super cute. Nice, nice, nice. Oh, and can you tell everyone how they can reach you if they're interested to find out more about you?
SPEAKER_02Sure. Um, the best place is to go to rachelastarte.com, or you can just go to midlifementorship.com. It goes to the same place. Sometimes it's easier to remember midlifementorship.com.
SPEAKER_04True.
SPEAKER_02You can find me on Instagram and Facebook. Both of them are Rachel Estarte Therapy. Um, I'm on TikTok at the same handle. Um, but yeah, that's those are the best places to find me. And and please do if if you're a woman in midlife listening to this, we need you. Please at least uh join the mailing list and and stay in touch because we need your voice. Yeah. And and even if you're not, get in touch with me. And and um I'm here for you know, in service of everyone. So that's how people can get to me. And and of course, the the podcast, you can get it wherever you get podcasts. It's self-talk with Rachel Astarte.
ChrisExcellent. And all of this information will be listed in the episode, so they'll be able to easily find it there. Um, just in case people weren't able to write down real fast. So you could rewind it, slide it back, and rewind. But um, we thank you so much. It was so great. You gave us a lot of a lot of great information, um, touching upon the undeveloped ego and the developed ego, something that I didn't know that there was a split of two. So that was awesome. Talking about boundaries are not walls and the differences about them. Um I love that we were able to get into the breakdown about the radical honesty and self-alignment and feeling that we need to get ourselves back together. Sometimes we are out of alignment, and with that, things, you know, things can happen when we're out of alignment spiritually, physically, you know, so that's awesome as well. Um, and taking some time for solitude for us to be alone to be able to really recharge and reach our highest self. Um building on a strong foundation was really um a strong foundation of self was really awesome. And really having that, and from there we can really grow and build. So, yes, awesome, awesome. Such great information. Thank you so much for being a guest here on Glass Hat Full. We are so happy that we've had you today.
SPEAKER_02I'm so happy to have been here. Thank you so much, Chris.
ChrisYou are very welcome. We'll be in touch real soon. You have a great day. You too. Thank you. And thank you to all our listeners listening in to another episode of Glass Half Full, a podcast and a safe platform for everyone to share their life experiences. Once again, I'm your host, Chris Levins. Please subscribe, follow, and rate this podcast on Apple Music and Spotify for more learning experiences. Until next time, no, you are blessed. See ya!